Before You Buy That Car In Lagos As A Lady….

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After asking Baba God for a better job, because i had stayed in the mountain of small paying jobs for a long time, He finally did answer my prayers that gave me a leverage to start thinking in the way of getting myself a car because I felt I have suffered enough in the hands of these Lagos drivers.

From having to jump buses, to standing inside BRT buses and even before the existence of the BRT, I have stood inside these molue bus that usually operates from Obalende to Oshodi and other areas. If you are using the molue bus and lucky to get a seat, you start praying that you get to your destination on time because the bus may be stinky or the person seating next to you may have body odour and those standing will block your view with their swinging bodies as a result of the bus in motion. The conductor in this particular type of bus doesn’t smile at all and they don’t take nonsense.

The smaller buses called danfo bus has its own perks. People usually prefer the molue to the normal bus, because is cheaper , however these smaller buses tend to get full on time but some normal buses could be annoying, the conductors can lack manners and at times you will be a conductor if the driver doesn’t have one, that situation when the driver will say ejor owo da line by line.

Keke is actually small but mighty and usually referred to as elder brother of okada by passengers, i do like using this because of the ability of its driver to maneuver the vehicle through grid lock traffic especially when am late and the traffic is so terrible.

What really prompted me more to start praying earnestly for my own car was as result of my frequent encounters with mobile criminals. The nature of my job warrant me leaving the house as early as 4;30 am to start my journey to the island from iyana ipaja and often times i have been robbed by mobile criminals, snatching my bag and threatening to shoot me if i scream, and when returning home from work and is already late due to the usual traffic at 3rd mainland bridge, you see these hawkers when there is traffic claiming to be hawking their wares, whereas they are robbers waiting for any opportunity to strike.

Well I had to beg Baba God to help me get a car, because I have had enough so I wanna save towards it. God was sure reasoning my case because my pastor said we should believe that, He is seeing some people testifying as car owners before the end of the year, in fact my amen was louder than those seating beside me but wetin concern me? Everybody come Lagos on e own nau.

After much, I got a car and it was Naija use, I thought all my travails will be over. I was feeling myself until a year later, I got to know that there is more than been a car owner, in fact you need to have mechanical skills. Imagine you are driving and even late to work, and your car just stop in the middle of the road, I was in that situation once, aje butter no dey dis one o? You have to find a way to move your car out of the road, sort out what is the issue and get it fixed if possible or be bold to leave it there and come back for it if you can’t find a road side mechanic.

You have to have a hard heart when driving on this Lagos road as a lady, because you will sure have encounter with these danfo drivers and their conductors, in fact the passengers can even join them to shout at you, you will hear, na woman nau…e husband buy am car no come teach her well…abeg move your car jare. What baffles me is that some fellow ladies will join in the insults forgetting that they will also have a car someday or maybe they want to be perpetual danfo customers.

Imagine you were finally hit after managing to drive as carefully as possible but this bus drivers always want to try your patience, at that moment as a single lady you are thinking about the expenses that has been incurred and some passengers would want to show themselves by begging on the driver’s behalf. I had a scenario like that, i just couldn’t take it because when it happened the first time, i forgave the person, went to ‘ladipo market’ and was cheated on top of it, making me spend so much at the end of the day, so this time around i just told the guy to settle me sharply, he had to borrow cash from his fellow drivers to give me before i allowed him to go. shuo for this lagos?

Another lesson i got was dealing with LASTMA officers i learned not to wind down my glass when ever they stop me, just wind it down a little so they don’t put their stupid hand to take your car keys. The worst set is VIO, they are so wicked that no amount of pleading can save your sorry ass if devil was with you that day.

In fact different issues with car, when you ain’t with a car, you can decide to walk away when a bus breaks down, or when LASTMA or even VIO officers stops a bus you are in, but my dear this is your car, you can’t just leave it.

Well is not that the car gave me issues all the time but when it has issues, you would wish you didn’t have a car in the first place. I finally had to sell the car and I appreciated the transport service once again but I am in the look out for a car again cos I miss that title, car owner!!!!and definitely not Naija use sha and i can proudly say that i have learned a great deal and much more prepared to be a car owner again.

My fellow car owners eku-ise oooo….

Living In Lagos….

Accommodation in Lagos is so terrible that one prays to have someone living in the big city in order not to pay rent. Some wouldn’t mind staying with a distant relative just to escape paying rent in the big city.

Most times you even plan ahead telling your wonderful relatives that you will soon be joining the family in the big city as soon as you are done with service or education as the case may be and most times they will say they can’t wait to have you with them. In your mind, accommodation is settled but you get to their house in Lagos it becomes another different ball game. You have to contribute your own quota in the running of the home one way or the other.

I was discussing this very topic with some of my male friends some weeks back and each guy has his own version of how he found himself where he is today.

Tunde said to an extent his uncle actually tried but his wife was another thing. From babysitting to running errands and to been treated like an houseboy prompted him to rent a room in this typical ‘face me I slap you compound’. His uncle pleaded with him to stay but he felt he needed to regain his dignity.

Ahmed prepared his mind for any harsh condition because his dream has always been to be base in Lagos and as such he didn’t mind the treatment meted on him by his cousin who doesn’t fail to let him know that the rent has to be shared equally, a decision he didn’t have a problem with, except having to manage the one room apartment with his cousin and his girlfriend whenever she is around. It was so frustrating when it seems the lady didn’t have plans of leaving, that was when he started looking for a cheap accommodation.

Richard’s own plight has to do with rejecting the seductions of his uncle’s wife which led to been punished severely by her because she knows he won’t report her to his uncle, so she felt frustrating him will make him accept her offer but he had to go back to Ibadan till he could afford staying in Lagos, which later happened as a result of getting a job in Lagos.

At first I felt single guys will have more experiences of staying alone than ladies as ladies are restricted by the ideology that it isn’t good for a single lady to stay alone, thus they have to manage their situations, but when I broach this same topic with some ladies over the weekend, I was really amazed.

Anita said after been promised by her aunt that she has secluded a place for her to work after her NYSC, came to Lagos and found herself working as a sales girl for her aunt. Her aunt promised paying her monthly but that promised didn’t even see the 2nd month and when she try to broach the topic, she was reminded that rent and food are been provided for her, so why is she ungrateful. She had to start brainstorming on what to do to get another job, which didn’t come so easily but she kept pushing till she got a job very far from home that prompted her to look for accommodation which she later got.

Chinwe had similar experience with her elder brother, she never expected to experience such because he is a close relative, the wife almost turned her into a nanny and house girl if not that she took the initiative of squatting with some fellow friends she met during service in Lagos.

Joke said she suffered in the hands of her uncle that she almost felt like going back to her village, it was so terrible that she even fought with the wife just because she refused eating the food that got bad overnight and opted for eating noodles she bought with her very own cash. Her prayer point became good job that will help her to secure accommodation or job that included night shifts so she won’t be spending the night at home. God answered her first option.

Monica stayed with her aunt who is a widow with 3 daughters all adult, her aunt spends cash lavishly without thinking of tomorrow, she saw herself fending for the family from her meager salary and what annoyed her was the fact that her aunt and her kids were ungrateful. She had to leave because the respect for her aunt was dwindling. Now she helps them often but not like a major responsibility.

Of course it doesn’t mean that some people don’t have good experiences but one should know that you can’t compare your temporal location to your father’s house, so is expected of us to strategise whilst still maintaining good relationship with our benefactor. A very good friend of mine from church, was staying with her aunt and her husband and the husband never fails to let my friend knows that he isn’t comfortable with her working on the island and always screams at her whenever she comes in late. She resigned and started looking for home lesson jobs, she eventually got one with a nice family that so loved her to the point of taking her with them on any vacation trips their kids are going.

However, what is the big deal in a lady having her own apartment, even if it is a one room apartment? Not every lady that stays alone is wayward because that is the mindset most people have and some go as far as saying such ladies find it difficult getting married. I believe a lady’s happiness should be paramount after all a lady can be living with her relative and still be a runs girl as it is popularly called

I know of a colleague that had to marry the wrong guy just because she couldn’t cope with her brother’s wife making her feel less of a human being and been from a family that kick against a single lady staying alone, she knew her only escape was either get married and stay in her husband’s house or go back to her folks in the village. She chose getting married and now regrets it because according to her, the hubby is lazy and he was just an escape from the clutches of her brother’s wife.

What if a lady is staying on the mainland and has a job on the island and the job can afford her getting a one room apartment on the island or squat with some female friends instead of burning her entire salary on transport and getting home extremely late and then to leave the house very early the following day to beat the evergreen Lagos traffic?

Am happy as most ladies are beginning to see that their happiness is of utmost importance and if they can afford been on their own, they should go for it.

Thinking Of Quitting?…..Think Again!!!!

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Honestly Funmi am sick and tired of sending my cvs in different companies without result, said Kemi as she angrily pace her mini flat she has been staying for the past 3years.

Well I understand how you feel replied Funmi but you have to keep pressing forward till you get what you have always wanted.If I tell you how I suffered before getting to where I am today, you will be amazed. I got to understand very quickly that in this life is only God that can really fight for you. Just 3years after school, you are already complaining replied Fumni to Kemi’s attitude towards life.

Kemi and Funmi are neighbors and they have become so close as they both attend same church. Funmi works in a bank while Kemi is still waiting for the big picture while managing in a small firm. Kemi sees Funmi as a big sister and often confides in her about her fears and worries.

Sitting her down, Funmi narrated to Kemi how she struggled to be where she is today, how she had to be patient while thanking God for what she had at hand until a vision came to her to equip herself in the particular field she has always had passion for. She advised Kemi to do same, to develop herself and leave the rest to God.

Most times we find ourselves being fed up about life issues and angry about our present situations but we tend to give up so quickly instead of keep pushing forward, because am sorry to say but worry only aggravate the situation rather that solve the puzzle.

An average human want to succeed beyond all reasonable doubt and to do that one needs to be positive about life, you have to filter your friends to know who shares same aspirations with you and be ready to leave behind those that can’t share your dreams and aspirations.

Do yourself a favor and speak to your inner self cos you are in charge and stop carrying this negative energy around you as it will do you no good. Learn to say NO to some jobs, friends and associates, work extensively in branding yourself because in this modern age, packaging goes a long way.

Now instead of thinking of quitting, think of strategies to actualize your dreams because your dream can’t materialize without you doing something about it. There is absolute no one on this planet earth that don’t think of the wonderful life, so is left for us to keep fighting and with diligence, strong mind and absolute belief in ourselves and of course faith in God, we can achieve all that we set our mind and heart on.

Photo credit: Google

My Wife Is The Real MVP

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I say this not cos am bragging but is the truth, so unfortunate is not my wife sending this story but me. my wife is not a phone freak or social media savvy but I love her all the same. I met my wife when we were still schooling in one of the universities in north, her parents are both lecturers and are well to do.

We were both in same level but different departments and was introduced through a dear friend of mine. from the point of introduction, we quickly hit it off and not long after we started dating, but her folks didn’t know even though she lives with them in the staff quarters. our relationship carried on till final year and it was blissful until my wife got pregnant.

I was so worried cos I didn’t know what step to take. Am practically a poor church rat from a poor home and kept reasoning within myself and for once I felt so low and stupid and blamed myself for not protecting us enough. My wife was so scared to tell her folks but we needed to make a decision asap cos final year exams likewise projects were around the corner. Summoning the courage, she told her parents and they called for my attention, thinking they want us to say something positive. I went not knowing that her dad had already called for the police, I was arrested and locked up for 3days. my wife pleaded with them to release me that is not only my fault but hers as well.

The mum later felt pity for me and pleaded with her hubby to release me. Upon my release the dad asked me what is the next step, I was so speechless but boldly stood my ground that I will marry her. He was shocked cos he didn’t expect me to that since he already knows am from a poor background. He saw this as adding salt to injury and told me to walk out. For one week I didn’t hear from my wife and was worried and scared at the same time, thinking maybe they have forced her to have an abortion.

After 2weeks of searching for her round the school and inquiring from friends, she later came to me and said her folks disowned her because she insisted on keeping the pregnancy, I was shocked cos didn’t know that all these were happening. Comforting her, I told her we will manage no matter what, she was surprised but inwardly I vowed to do my best by her.

Pregnancy in school is not easy, and coupled with the fact that I was also a student like her made matter a little worst since i couldn’t really afford anything for her but that didn’t change my mind. We struggled through it all, the gossips, the stares and the challenges and finally graduated. Some months after her project defence she put to bed a baby boy and help from all angles came. students, and some lecturers from church who knew our story.

God is indeed wonderful cos despite the fact that we didn’t work our service, we were posted to Lagos, it was so shocking but that was just God in action. We still hadn’t gotten blessings from her dad because her mum later came around and do assist us and she was actually the one that said we should try and see the husband again before we leave for Lagos.

I actually thought that the sight of his grandson will move him to bless us but no, in fact he was even angry at the wife for conspiring with us. we were sent out and on our way back to my folks house, my wife said she won’t beg her dad again until God says is time.

Service year wasn’t easy and life after service was even terrible cos I was looking for job everywhere while my wife was teaching in a private school that wasn’t paying much but was able to put food on the table while I was assisting someone in his cyber cafe in order not to put the whole weight on her meager salary. 3years after service, I got a breakthrough through the pastor of our branch that referred me to his friend that they needed an IT personnel. not knowing the kinda company I accepted immediately cos I needed the job very fast, as my wife was already pregnant with our second child.

Days pass into months and I didn’t hear from my pastor’s friend and I became worried. My wife despite that she was pregnant insisted we go into 7days fasting and praying, which i bluntly refused cos of her condition but she told me if am not interested she will do it alone but prayers shared by 2 especially as we are a couple offers immediate solution and I had to do it cos she was right.

After the fast, I became so excited about life and kept believing God for his confirmation of promise and one Sunday after service, my pastor called me to his office and when I got there, I met his friend again and he apologized for the delay. I told him is just the way God wants it, he finally gave me his card to come to his office the following day being Monday.

At home, my wife and I couldn’t eat, we were just praying within ourselves for God’s intervention and we shouldn’t be put to shame, I got to the office the following day and was interviewed immediately by 3white men and my pastor’s friend and after the interview, I was told to wait at the reception and 3 hours later, I was directed to another office, only to find out it was the HR unit in order to pick up my employment letter.

I was so dumbfounded. the salary package was awesome and it shows that we will be relocating to Abuja.

2 years after that interview, things have really been moving well for us. All these while it was only court marriage we did. Her dad finally sent for us and apologized to us and I told him he doesn’t owe me an apology rather am the one to apologize but the person he really needs to apologize to is his daughter my wife.

he cried and told my wife to forgive him, I calmly told my wife to accept his forgiveness. they hug and after much talk, he told us he will be sponsoring our marriage, all we needed to do was to pick a date. told him he doesn’t need to do that, as I must do the right thing which is taking charge of the expenses as that is my duty. he was amazed but accepted.

Am glad we went through those hard times cos it prepared us for life ahead and drew us closer to God.

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My wife is the best thing that has ever happened to me and can’t thank God enough for bringing her to me, she kept believing in God and standing beside me all through the tough times. She is indeed a virtuous woman as the bible described and I will forever treasure her till I have no more life in me.

It takes courage for a man to openly appreciate his wife and for doing this, God will continually be with you guys and Love will never cease from your home.

Photo credit: Google

Her Back Stabbing Friend….

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Not that I was eavesdropping but I didn’t get any option as I was sandwiched between two big ladies in a keke and as if that wasn’t enough, one of them had a cogent body odour that whenever she raises her hand to make a hand gesture I felt like throwing up, gosh how do ladies end up with that. At  first I didn’t know they knew each other because at the park I saw only one lady seated in the keke, so i joined her and the other lady came and joined us and they didn’t mind that I was in the middle.

Well I asked to sit at the edge so I don’t disturb them but they said no need and that is not a bother, that was when I knew I was on my own. They switched to speaking Ijaw and I guessed they felt i wouldn’t understand.

Well what I heard from eavesdropping was just so many answers to my questions. The lady with the body odour was lamenting that her hubby has been denying her sex and she doesn’t know how to go about it and he doesn’t even like hugging her nor kissing her. In fact she was almost at the point of shedding tears and that was when the other friend pleaded that I switch places with her and now I didn’t feel like switching places, as i was ready to bear the pungent smell while getting the wonderful gist but not to give myself away, i agreed and the driver had to park so we can switch places.

The lady started consoling her friend with the body odour and told her to commit it to God, that is the work of the devil and she should add fasting to the prayers. In my mind i was like seriously?

Well i continued eavesdropping as she kept narrating to her friend all she has been going through for a year now. We got to a bus stop, and the lady with the body odour alighted after paying the transport fare for her and her friend. We continued our journey, later i heard the friend hiss and said stupid fool, i was shocked but didn’t know why she hissed nor who she called stupid fool until she started talking to someone on the phone where she narrated the discussion she just had with the other lady and from the discussion, she was even saying it was good it happened to her friend and she isn’t surprised because her “supposed friend” has poor hygiene and who is ready to hug and kiss someone with both body and mouth odour together. Gosh i felt so bad for her friend because all these while she didn’t know the kinda friend she had.

Now from all that transpired i have two major discussions, the poor hygiene of the lady with the issues and the character of the back stabbing friend. The back stabbing friend is actually right that her friend has poor hygiene because just few minutes seated next to the lady wasn’t pleasant in all ramifications. Many ladies today have such problem and is either they don’t know or they just don’t care but from this lady’s plight she obviously don’t know and her back stabbing friend who knows is not ready to tell her the truth, also her husband obviously knows the truth and don’t wanna tell her in order not to hurt her feelings.

Aside her poor hygienic condition, she is beautiful with her full figure and imagine if she smells nice, her hubby will in fact be pursuing her round the house for sexual delight, but in her case is the other way round, he is running from her

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A true friend should be able to face you eye ball to eyeball and point our your faults not minding if she hurts you, because the truth is always bitter but it is the truth. This back stabbing friend is categorically not a good friend and she isn’t someone one should confide in, cos it seems she even wish that her friend’s marriage come to an end.

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So ladies being hygienic isn’t expensive and also try to understand not all friends needs to be your counselor no matter how long you guys have known each other. I once met a male friend who said all his friends each has a role to play in his life, and clearly it should be that way.

So friends, you wanna throw more light? Why don’t you share?

The Beauty That Don’t Fade

1Hia..Tonye, the make up is too heavy on you nau..haba? Please Boma, don’t start..i have to look good for this party. Yea that’s true but you are beautiful, all you need is a light makeup to enhance your beauty, replied Boma.

Boma, you keep saying am beautiful, yes I know if i do my makeup well I will look good. Hmm, that is not what am talking about answered Boma. Boma, please let me be, time is fast running out, and I need to perfect my makeup cos Peter said he doesn’t like seeing me without makeup.

Really? You mean Peter said that? So that means as soon as you wake up in the morning, you will quickly apply makeup or maybe you will be sleeping with makeup on till you die? Come on girlfriend that is so demeaning to you, and don’t tell me you agreed with him?

Listen Boma, I know I don’t have that eye catching beauty like you, so don’t insult me, I believe my boyfriend knows what is good for me just as yours knows what is good for you. Ahh Tonyeeee….it hasn’t come to that nau…do you know I love the way you talk? Even Brian my boyfriend commented on it also. I also admire your stubbornness, your sexy shape and other qualities you have.

Waow…serious? And you think that makes a lady beautiful? Oh spare me that Boma. My dear Tonye, let me tell you the little I know about beauty.

Every woman is beautiful in a unique way, inner beauty surpass the outer beauty. Beauty they say lies in the eyes of the beholder and another man’s meat is another man’s poison.

You as a woman have to tell yourself that you are beautiful, love yourself the way you are and appreciate yourself before you give someone room to do so. Don’t give anyone the right to say you are not beautiful since such statement makes you have a low self esteem.

Having a kind heart, loving spirit, being able to appreciate rather than envy your friend helps you to take everyone equal. Don’t allow anyone make you feel inferior, thrive to be good in all areas and work on yourself cos most men don’t like women that don’t have something they can be known for.

When you work on yourself, you find yourself being confident of yourself and you can approach anyone and walk into any room with all eyes on you. Makeup is good quite alright but it is not meant to overshadow your true self, rather to enhance your inner beauty.

So my darling Tonye, Peter is absolutely wrong when he implied that you must always have makeup on.

Hmm..Boma, to be frank when Peter said that, I felt bad but I had no choice because ever since I have been with peter, no guy has been asking me out, so I felt I should be contented with him and do as he says.

Oh yea, well I wouldn’t want to come in between you and peter replied Boma.Tonye quickly rush in to explain, No, that’s not what I meant and infact I think I understand what you are saying and truthfully Peter has made me feel nothing but ugly, always wanting me to buy the latest make up products and I think is high time I take a stand, after all when I was with Tamuno my ex, he said I look beautiful with just nude lip gloss and eyeliner.

You see? Exclaimed Boma…..that is what I am trying to tell you. You seem to have forgotten yourself ever since you have been with Peter.

Every woman is beautiful in her own way and don’t let anyone makes you think you are ugly.*smiles*

To my fellow divas, i leave you with this quote from Eleanor Roosevelt

2Photo Credit : Google

I Hated My Hubby

1I and my hubby were married for 3years, all was good but then one can never tell the strength of a marriage if things are going well.

My ordeal started after I had a terrible accident, an accident that could have been prevented if my hubby has listened to me when I told him I didn’t feel like joining him for the trip to the village for a family meeting. he so insisted that I had no choice but to join him, thank God I insisted that our baby stayed in my sister’s house while we made the trip. On our way, we had a head on collision without another car that saw me flying out of the car. how it happened, I can’t say up till today.

After 6months in the hospital, I was told I will need to amputate my left leg from the knee as it is badly damaged due to infection. I cried and just couldn’t believe that at 29yrs I will be known as a lady with one leg. the future as at then was looking so hazy. After the operation, I went home, recuperated for awhile and was working though using crutches for easy movement but later I felt the stress was so much and the pain on my shoulder was severe and had to choice but to tender my resignation.

Hubby promised to be paying me monthly  but that promise stopped at the 7th month saying after all he ensures foodstuff and other household items are always available. I didn’t even bother him with all that, my concern came after almost 2years since the accident when he started making me feel less of a human being, always treating me bad, no respect and don’t want us to attend occasions together just because of my predicament.

Our sex life was even the worst and I wouldn’t blame him for that because shortly after the operation when I was deem fit, we decided to make love but it was so awkward and i was embarrassed cos my half leg seems to get in the way so since then I didn’t even bother to ask for sex and he also didn’t demand  it from me.

On a fateful day, my hubby told me that we needed to discus and during the discussion, he dropped the bombshell that he is taking a new wife. I was shocked cos in all the years I knew him I can vouch that my hubby ain’t the polygamous type although, our religion permits it.

I asked him why and he said I shouldn’t ask such question as I know the answer. I cried and felt so depressed but what can I do? I accepted the woman who turned out to be troublesome with ulterior motive to either get me out of the house or make my life miserable. she achieved it in both ways cos my hubby sent me packing after one year of trying to manage me like he claimed. it took strength and motivation from family and friends for me to go through the ordeal.

I used to have passion for cake baking and a friend helped to turn my passion into a money making business. Allah saw me through it all, my business was booming cos orders do come regularly which made it easy for me to be able to cater for myself and my daughter.

My friends gave me a surprise birthday gift of getting me a prosthetic leg. I was shocked but then good friends are like treasure and I value them so much. A year after separating from my hubby, he went to see my mum thinking I will be with her in the village, my mum drove him out of the house, he had to come with his family members saying my mum doesn’t want him to see his child. When they came, my mum told them to come on a particular day cos she needed to inform my elder brothers since our dad was late.

I was also informed and I came down to the village from Lagos where I have been staying after leaving my hubby. He was shocked to see me looking good and walking but limping slightly and without the use of a crutches. All along people didn’t really know what went wrong between I and my hubby. So at that point, I explained everything to them and his family members were shocked, as that wasn’t what they were told. I told them that if I was lying my hubby should say so if he has the fear of Allah in his heart.

He couldn’t deny the allegations and said it was the work of Satan. well I couldn’t care less cos I have moved on. he can see his daughter whenever he wants but my daughter will never set foot in his house so long he is still married to his other wife.

The family members pleaded with me to come back and I told them over my dead body cos I wasn’t ready to die. I asked my hubby why he now sought to see me now after the way he treated me, and he confessed that an Alfa told him the reason his business isn’t going well is cos he offended someone so dear to him and he quickly knew it was me. Well forgave him but not ready to go back since he was the one that divorced me in the first place.

I really thank Allah for everything and my wonderful friends, maybe someday God will bring someone who will love me with my flaws and of course with my child but don’t think am ready to be a second wife to any man cos at my age, it may be difficult to see someone that is single, but i leave every to God.

Only God knows the heart of every man, keep trusting God and all will be well with you.

We are welcome to drop our comments,

Photo credit: Google