Letter To My Unborn Daughter On Relationships

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My sweet daughter, honestly I can’t wait to bare you in my hands, nurture you and encourage you to be the best female your generation has ever produced.

I know you will learn so much from me through observation and also how I manage situations, but one thing I want to teach you is about relationship. The type that exists between a man and a woman. I don’t want you to be shy in expressing yourself or shy from telling me that you have found your soul mate.

I promise to be there to guide you in the choice of a life partner in order that you do not thread same path as I did when I was younger. One thing you should know is that you will forever be surrounded by your peers who feels they can explore as soon as they hit puberty. It is now left for you to make your first utmost decision in life, to either ignore them or join them and I pray God gives you the wisdom to discern the good from the bad.

Don’t believe other ladies that say all men are heartless, no they are not because your father ain’t heartless. However I won’t want you to be blinded from the truth that some men are way better than others, that is why you need to have a strong relationship with God in order for you to be led by the holy spirit to make a sound decision when it comes to entering a relationship.

Dearest daughter, there is no specific age for any lady to be in a relationship because it all depends on personal choice as I can’t tell you that is when you are 18 or 20 years of age that you should reason relationship. You know what you want in life and you know that there are certain sacrifices you have to make to to achieve your dream.

In your quest to marry early please do not make the wrong decision and accept the first man you meet and in your quest to be independent please do not make the mistake of discarding the best man God has given you.

Remember is not all relationship that eventually leads to marriage and I pray you don’t jump from one relationship to the other in the search of the perfect relationship because there is none. It takes both parties to nurture and strengthen a relationship. The best role model you need in order to understand the minds of men is your dad, that was why I took the pain of waiting for God’s own candidate for me and it was really worth it after the stress and heartache I experienced as a result of been in wrong relationships.

You will definitely see how beautiful your daddy treats me and definitely that is how yours will treat you and as such you need to be watchful of tell tale signs when you are dating someone. A man doesn’t just turn abusive or violent overnight, you will surely know if he is violent, only if you are ready and willing to pray to God for wisdom. If peradventure you meet such a man that shows slight provocative actions, do not hesitate to flee because am not ready to cry for you or bury you. In such situations, you have to make the best decisions of walking away from such relationship because a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage.

There is a saying that a dog doesn’t go back to its vomit, thus if you find yourself in a situation where an ex wants you back, you need to know if he is worth it or if he just wants a last fling with you as his ultimate aim of trying to deceive you, because trust me there are guys like that. At that point, my beloved, be careful not to take rash decisions and monitor him to know why he wants you back and don’t just jump into starting a relationship with him again. Let him win your trust and love again even if its gonna take a long time because he just may be the one for you.

Sex in a relationship is one big question, as people reason that it is a personal choice but what I will tell you is that you be guided by what the bible tells you. Your relationship with God will help you make the right decision on that score.

I love you so much dearest unborn daughter and we will sure gonna have a swell time because I want you to see me as your best friend because not all daughters see their mums as a best friend. I want to be the first person you will call when you are in a fix, confuse or happy.

Love from your best friend…Your Mum..

 

Photo Credit: Google

 

Interview Na Wa…

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Job interviews are the expectations of all graduates whether you are working already or still searching. Due to how Nigeria is, I have been to several interviews that it came to a point I got tired of applying for jobs.

At job interviews, you see a different kind of people, there are people you will see and you will be wondering if you will get the job because they look smartly dressed and you are dressed just okay.

I remembered the first interview I got after just rounding up my NYSC program, I had to go to the market to get a good skirt suit, pair of shoes. I spent so much that I thought I have landed the job already but when I got to the interview venue, I saw people that couldn’t care less how they dressed as far as they aren’t dressed indecently. I suffered seriously because I wasn’t comfortable, and was feeling so much pain from the shoes I wore. Being that it was my first job interview, I didn’t know I would have carried along a pair of flat slippers. When I got home, I had blisters on my toes and the job I didn’t get.

That experience made me know that no matter the kind of job I must be comfortably dressed. I even made it a point of duty not to ever put on a skirt when am going for any job interview and I have my reasons which are personal.

There are some job invites you get, probably a job you have been expecting and when you finally get it, you would think that the people they also contacted alongside you won’t be much but to your greatest surprise, you meet a crowd of people that looks like they came to seat for UME exam. At that point you know you have only God, because how will that multitude be screened and you picked? In fact when you succeed in getting a job from that kinda interview or test, testimony must be your option because is not easy and you never know, the person seating next to you in church when you gave the testimony may have been in that same job test screening with you.

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There are so many interview experiences out there, and if you don’t have much, it means you were one of those Favored and I thank God for your life but at the end is usually worth it having varying experiences because it helps you appreciate any job you finally get no matter how the salary is.

The most annoying thing is after rating a particular company good, you start estimating a particular salary from how wonderful the staff are dressed to the nature of the building the company is situated even to its location, only for the HR to tell you what they can offer and trust me is not good to accept immediately when you haven’t taken into consideration your transportation, feeding and, of course, accommodation, except the company, is willing to take care of your transport through provision of bus. It hurts me most times to see able bodied men, graduate with families to take care of rushing out early to work just for them to earn something minimal at the end of the month.Naija we hail thee. Obviously the so-called minimum wage is not effective in our dear Naija.

Another frustrating thing about some job interview summons is those from health management companies that use the opportunity to exploit their fellow Nigerians all with the excuse that they are trying to make you an entrepreneur. They don’t consider the fact that some people don’t reside in a particular location before sending the invite.

3years ago, I got an invite for a job test/interview and I took permission from my place of work to attend thinking it will be worth it, only for me to find out that it is this health management people and sorry to say, but they were blabbing, I got pissed off and went out. Outside the venue, I saw a smartly dressed guy lamenting that he had to come all the way from Aba because of this and he was at the brink of tears, honestly from the way he was talking, you will know he has been on the search for a job for a long time. I felt so bad for him, but everyone is on the search for a job or a better job. So if you wanna save your cash and time from these people, just simply type the job venue or the received text message on Google and you will be surprised to find out crucial information on the job and thus gives you an answer and a decision to take.

Funny enough I give credit to these small upcoming companies for their strategic minds on how to get people to turn up for a job interview. A friend of mine went for an interview only to find out that it was a retail shop, she was so shocked because the job advert specified graduates and masters degree as an added advantage. She wasn’t the only one angry but others also and at the end they picked a candidate that was eager to get just any job because that was her first application. She and the lady in question became fast friends as they exchange contact details, my friend got to know that the lady resigned after 2months of working because the owner of the shop expected her to do the cleaning, sales and running errands for her daughter.

A colleague shared with me last week how he suffered getting a job, the places he had to go and the cash spent just to be available for interviews and at the end, no show. One experience he cannot forget was having to honor an invitation only to find out that is all these recruitment agents that want you to pay for form before they refer you to where they have for you. At first the agent said is =N=12,500. He was shocked and told the agent that he doesn’t have that amount, and the agent asked how much he has with him, which he replied =N=1,500. The agent now asked him to bring it, that was when he knew the agent was a fraudster, he just stood up and walked out.

Most people get job interview summons through different means, a dear friend of mine saw a BBM broadcast message aka BC about a job in an industry she has been dying to be, and she applied just in case, and to her utmost surprise, she passed the test and two stages of interview with the said company. She was so confident she will start immediately but to her greatest surprise she started working with the company after almost 10months after the second stage of the interview process when she had even lost hope of working with them.

Some people are favored when it comes to getting the job that they didn’t even feel the pressure of looking for a job like every other person. Some of my girlfriends were fortunate to be retained immediately after their service program while some got through referrals.

However, it seems the population of job seekers rises daily because more graduates are coming out and everyone is looking for a job. It gets to a certain stage where you can no longer apply as a graduate trainee but due to the fact that everyone is looking for an opportunity, you see someone that graduated 4 years ago still waiting to go for an interview for a graduate trainee job. When you go for such interviews, and you try to engage in some friendly chit-chat with fellow applicants, you will be surprised to know that almost all of them there just recently finished their NYSC. However is usually not the case because the company just may not mind that you are supposed to be on experience level as far as you don’t mind being paid as an entry level staff, that is if you are eventually taken, putting into consideration, age factor.

Well, they say experience is the best teacher and trust me I have learned a lot from the various job interviews I have attended and that has really motivated me to improve myself more and also make plans concerning my future.

 

Please share your Job interview experience in the comment section

 

Photo Credit: Google

 

Opportunity At Its Best….

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The act of rising above your predicament and pushing forward despite all odds cannot be over emphasized. The desire to be granted an opportunity can never go dim in the mind of the youths.

I remembered a story a friend shared with me sometime last year, how her GM usually likes ridiculing her staff. On a particular day, they were asked to bring their updated CVs and while glancing through, her GM noticed that she was same age with her first son, made a 2:1 and her son made 2:2, She is a certified projected manager likewise her son. The only difference was, she was earning =N=80,000 while her son was earning over =N=250,000 outside allowance in one of the oil companies. Her GM sheepishly asked what she was doing in the company and doesn’t she have anyone that can help her as she had to call in favors for her son. She replied her by saying she is waiting for the opportunity to break even and she believes is very soon and that her son is opportune to know people that can help him, but she hasn’t gotten that, and that is the MAJOR difference between her and her son.

There are people that needs just the opportunity to break even, and when you do, you find yourself widely celebrated and respected because you chose not to give up during the early stage when no one knew your struggles.

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Viola Davis

Viola Davis became the first black woman to win an Emmy for Best Actress in a Drama. Did she see it coming? She knew she had a lot of strong contenders, but she trusted her instinct because she must have prepared her speech for the night. That is been hopeful and positive. Her powerful speech that night as she received her award was the rave of the moment, as it was both emotional and inspirational. Her speech moved so many people to tears as she closed her speech saying, ‘the only thing that separates women of color from anyone else is an opportunity.

Opportunity is still desired year in, year out and you don’t have to win in a contest for you to break even because that opportunity to be in the contest is what most people are looking for. I was opportune to watch a cooking challenge called MasterChef Canada, the inaugural edition which took place last year, 2014. What made me really wanna talk about the show is because of the fighting spirit in the contestants. You see them trying to better themselves, listening to their instincts and taking directives from the chef hosts while under pressure to deliver a delicacy that most time has to be prepared under 35 minutes as the case may be.

My favorite was Kaila Klassen, a real estate agent. Though she came third in the competition, She was a force to be reckoned with and her fellow contestants knew that. She was always in all elimination challenges and somehow she still finds herself escaping till the final round when she was eliminated. Leaving the competition didn’t make Kaila forget her passion for food or give up her dream of having her own restaurant because right now she solely owns her boutique catering business called ‘The Guilty Kitchen’. However, before been able to set this up, she had so many fall out here and there but that didn’t deter her from following her complete passion. She said MasterChef Canada gave her a wonderful experience because she learned how to listen to her instincts and also gave her the opportunity to bring her dreams to reality.

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Kaila Klassen

That is what passion is all about. When you have a passion for something and you are given an opportunity to showcase it, may be through competition, you have to make use of it, explore to the fullest, even if you end up not becoming the winner.

Now let’s come home to Naija, haven’t you noticed our beauty queens, reality TV stars and now musicians and even comedians trying to explore the movie industry? They will tell you all is entertainment, which categorically is true. Some people just need the exposure. Uti Nwachukwu is one guy I admire so much because the guy has made me know that what one should be praying for is an opportunity and be able to maximize it to the fullest. After winning BBA All stars, Uti has ventured into all part of entertainment apart from music and who knows he may have it in mind.

Some people don’t even have to win a competition because they believe they can still maximize it. Melvin Oduah didn’t win BBA but now you see him exploring the entertainment industry and he will attribute it to the opportunity of participating in the BBA reality show. Omawumi Megbele popularly known as Omawumi did not win West African Idols, but her participation gave her the needed break through and today, you can’t mention female musicians in Nigeria or even Africa without mentioning her.

We all pray to have an opportunity that will push us out to the world and for those still waiting for the golden opportunity, keep doing what you know how to do best and the right time will surely come.

 

Photo Credit: Google

Diary Series: Diary Of A Frustrated Housewife..(Final Episode)

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We bring to you the final episode of Diary of A Frustrated Housewife and if you miss the second episode please click HERE and for the first episode please click HERE

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My Beloved diary, am so sorry i neglected you for a while but i have been busy with finalizing the divorce proceedings. I met with a good divorce lawyer i was introduced to by a former colleague and the lawyer was so excellent that my hubby was shocked i could know such an experienced lawyer who made sure he takes major responsibility towards his kids in terms of finance and can only see the kids under my supervision. Also he can’t just take my kids for any trips whatsoever without my approval and in case he do wish to travel with them, i should be duly notified early enough to make the decision. A certain amount was mentioned to him that will be paid monthly to the kids account and failure to do so will warrant a legal action against him

Before putting down my signature, I asked for 10 minutes to speak alone to my husband. Even though he was irritated by the request, he accepted my request.

I didn’t try to plead my case, only pleaded that he doesn’t shut himself from the kids lives because every kid need a male figure in their lives and especially for that of our son that will need a man to look up to as a role model. He was calm and i sensed he was surprised but accepted.

The deed was done, after the usual talk, we were pronounced divorced and free to live our lives once again as singles but we shouldn’t forget our responsibilities towards our kids.

Dearest friend, after the brouhaha of that day, i went home feeling downcast. I have been staying at a friend’s house since we started the divorce proceedings and that particular night of the final ruling, I cried myself out for the first time since my ex hubby uttered the word divorce. No amount of consolation could make me feel better that day, it just looks like i needed to show that am human.

I called in some favors from the last company i worked with, needing referrals and to God be the glory I got called to work for a management consulting firm as a project supervisor. Have been able to move to an apartment with my kids, enrolled them in a new school close to my office.

It looks so fast, but it was God at work, because He made me realized i can’t wallow in self pity because i have my kids to take care of, and He that brought me to this point will see me through.

My beloved diary, i promise today marks the end of me lamenting to you. From now on, i will be sharing with you happy moments shared with my kids, in my new office and of course life in general.

 

Your Wonderful Friend…

 

 

 

Feeling Tired.Com?

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There are times you asked yourself why are things not going the way you expect? Why is your own case different? Why do people find it difficult to understand you? So many questions arise in the uppermost part of your mind, seeking immediate answers, but you will be surprised to find out that you already have the answers to your questions and just maybe you can’t come to terms of knowing that the still voice within you is right.

In our quest to have the perfect job, relationship and even family we tend to make the mistake of trying to impress people, not minding the inconveniences on our own part. However, when you perceived that you can only act within your means, reach out to people when is needed and don’t give them the impression you are a savior because you aren’t one, then you start living your life.

You tend to feel bad or feel angry when feelings aren’t reciprocated the way is meant to be, your sibling or folks or even your partner tends not to understand what you are going through. A friend was at the stage of ‘tired.com’, when all she does never seems right before her mum, her mum still find it hard to understand her and at first she felt her mum just couldn’t do without her because her dad died in his prime and her mum has always seen her as the replica of her dad, and as such always want her around her. It took her willpower and inner strength to remove herself from that hold her mum has on her. How she did it was simple; She knew she will go mad if she doesn’t try to get accommodation far from home. Thus, despite the fact they were both staying in Rivers State, she got her mum and her siblings a rented apartment in Choba, while she rented a self-contain apartment for herself in Rumuigbo because she could afford it and knows that if she doesn’t act fast, her mum will control her to the very end. Getting herself out of her mum’s hold was the smartest decision she ever made this year according to her.

One of my former colleagues was sharing with me, how greatly worried she was because her mum kept pressuring her to get pregnant despite the fact that she has two kids, a boy and a girl. Her last pregnancy wasn’t a wonderful experience and her labour was so lengthen and painful that she thought she was going to die. However, her mum doesn’t want to hear all those and was insisting she take in when she is actually dreading getting pregnant again just because of her last experience. At this modern age?

I really felt for her but wasn’t in any position to tell her what to do other than to encourage her to open up to her husband who isn’t perturbed about having more kids. She later did and her hubby understood her fears and told her he is okay with the kids they have for now and if God wants them to have more, God will give her the grace to go through the pregnancy stages and up to the delivery. After that, the hubby had a long talk with his mother in law and humbly told her not to pressure his wife about having more kids because they are contented with what God has given them for now. The mum was shocked, but she understood that she can’t continue manipulating the daughter because she is now married and old enough to take trivial decisions and is left for her to support her daughter or ignore.

Two months ago, I was chilling with a dear senior friend, a friend I cherish so much, I always see her as a confident and strong lady but never knew she was carrying a weight that has become so heavy for her to bear. I always thought she had it all but chatting with her that day in an eatery made me see someone who is emotionally drained and needing an upliftment. I was so angry with myself for not noticing the eye bags, the tired face and the tired eyes. She has lost the spark in the wonderful marriage I thought she had, it has gotten so bad because she just found out that her hubby was cheating on her.

I was short of words because I could brag that her hubby was faithful. She actually expected me to slam her hubby and advise her to take serious legal actions before is too late, however, I made her understand that cheating doesn’t just start especially for one who has always been a role model. That was when she opened up to me that she had been so involved in her charity organization and has left her hubby in the lurch and most times, the hubby would want to make love to her but she always complain of being tired and this has been going on for a long time and they usually have heated argument about it, she feels her hubby should understand her need in reaching out to the less privilege and should commend her for her wonderful job and not nag her about sex.

I applauded her for her job well done in reaching out to the less privilege but reminded her that her first job is to her hubby and her kids. I admonished her not to be deceived that it is required of us to put our family first in anything we do, it is her right to make love to her hubby, however she could have tried to explain to the hubby about what is going on and how she feels other than just assuming her hubby doesn’t understand how tired she is. Last week she called me from the UK, that my advice really worked wonders and that she has gotten her marriage back, that her hubby understood her fears and he never cheated on her but gave the impression that he was in order for her to retrace her step and that right now they are having a swell time vacationing in the UK.

That is the power of an open communication, you will definitely feel tired.com if you don’t take the bold steps on standing on your ground what you want like in the case of my friend and my former colleagues or even feeling exhausted because you just assumed people should understand you when you haven’t taken the time to open up to them how you feel in order for them to understand you better.

This life is too short for one to always do what others want and not what they want and also assuming something is black when it is so glaring that it is white.

 

Photo Credit: Google

Diary Series: Diary Of A Frustrated Housewife (Continues….)

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Now we bring you continuation from last week’s post of the Diary Series; Diary of a frustrated housewife,  and if you missed it, you can read HERE

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Dear Diary, today was one of those days that you have the intuition when you are the topic of discussion. I was in church last week and felt like am the topic of discussion among three ladies sitting behind me, I wasn’t comfortable and I decided to use the restroom to freshen up, and heading to the children’s class to pick up my kids, I  noticed same ladies were now outside and kinda heading to the same direction. They actually blocked my path and asked that I give them an audience and I was wondering what for? One of them who seems to be outspoken bluntly told me that my hubby was cheating on me and it pains her because am not doing anything about it.

I was shocked because I honestly don’t know them even though I am familiar with almost everyone in my church but extremely privy to my personal life. When she noticed I was quiet, she calmly told me to try and watch out for cheating signals and also open my eyes very well and, in fact, the lady in question is in the church.

My dear friend, that particular information got me so interested, but I still kept my cool. One of them later told me to be prayerful and pray for wisdom, I thanked them and left. I was so ashamed of myself and was shaking all over, but I just prayed for wisdom like they advised.

After dinner, I calmly and rationally asked my hubby if all was well with him, his office and family wise, he said all was well and I further asked him if all is well in our marriage, he was confused, but he answered all was well. Hearing that I reminded him that am always here if he needed someone to talk to or share his worries, after which I left him and went to sleep.

Dear diary, my world came crashing down last night when I saw a brown envelope on our matrimonial bed, I opened it out of curiosity and saw that it was divorce papers, wondering who it was for, as my hubby ain’t a lawyer. My hubby came in and met me with the documents, he became furious and asked why I opened the envelope and I told him it wasn’t intentional but just wanted to know what was inside. Nonchalantly, he said it is actually for me, that he is seeking a divorce and he wants it as fast as possible.

Dearest diary, have always known my marriage was going down but I never knew it has gotten so bad. I cried myself out and in the middle of the night, woke him up and asked if that was what he wanted, he grumbly said yes and I asked if he thought about the kids, and he said yes that I will get full custody, but he will support financially. That was when it dawned on me that he had it all planned, he was just waiting for the perfect time.

I woke up this morning feeling perfectly fine, meeting a good lawyer later in the day that will read the content of the divorce papers before signing it. I don’t have any plans for now, but I know God will give me wisdom.

Photo Credit: Google

To be continued…

The Principle Behind ‘Vex Money’

Last week Friday saw me traveling to Benin to attend a wedding of a dear friend and I stayed with some other good friends of mine from my university days. We have been so close and work is actually the reason we live apart from each other. We lodge in the same hotel with the bride who is our friend. Lucy is base in Warri while Chinwe in Abuja and my humble self, in Bayelsa.

It was fun all through, and after the wedding ceremony the following day, the bride left with her hubby for her honeymoon, while the rest of us, headed back to our hotel and we were watching a Nollywood movie that got us reminiscing school days. The movie was about a lady that got stranded after getting pissed at her date. She couldn’t walk out on the guy because she didn’t go out with any cash and ending up spending the night with the guy.

The movie brought back old memories and we were wondering if ladies actually fall prey to such situations now. In my school then, it is normal and expected that a lady goes out with cash, no matter how little. During our undergraduate days, there was nothing like ATM card transactions and as such one is expected to carry physical cash when going on a date with a guy especially first date, in case you ain’t please with how your date is going or when the guy feels he can easily try to convince you to go home with him.

This particular cash is a lady’s security for that day and in school then, we call it ‘vex money’. It actually gives a lady that confidence that she can take any immediate action if things aren’t going the way she expects. Infact your roommate will even remind you, in case it skips your mind as you are about leaving the hostel, that is when you hear your roommate or friend saying, ‘ah babe you don carry your vex money? incase of any gbege’.

Lucy shared with us a familiar story of how a guy she once met on her way to class as a jambite, wanted a cheap lay. The guy followed her all the way down to her class and kept asking for her email address, as mobile phones weren’t out then. She finally did after much disturbance from the guy. After exchanging mails for awhile, they agreed to meet at a suya hangout a little far from campus. The date was going well till the guy asked her, to spend the night with him. She was surprised but told him no. After trying to press her and she getting disgusted by it because the guy was acting like he wouldn’t take her back to the campus, and he actually thought she wouldn’t be able to find her way back. She quickly stood up, walked out on him and flagged down the next available cab to take her back to campus.

Chinwe’s own story was mind blowing because the guy that actually tried to play smart with her was from her church, however, she was smarter because she left him seated at the eatery and even paid for her own food and walked out.

I shared with them my little cousin’s experience with a guy that they both went to the cinema for a date.The guy insisted on getting her a cup of popcorn and soft drink even when she told him she didn’t like popcorn  and would prefer hotdog or just drinks, she even volunteered to pay for herself, but the guy would have nothing of that. Getting worked up with the guy’s attitude, she opted to go home as she wasn’t in the mood again and asked if the guy can take her home, which he refused to do. She calmly told the guy no problem, excused herself to use  the restroom, and went straight to the ATM machine, withdrew cash and left the cinema. The guy kept calling her phone which she refused picking till she had boarded a bus.

Listening to them was really refreshing and I would expect that no girl falls cheaply to that scheme especially at this age of ATM card transactions and even mobile phones that you can easily use to call up a friend to come and pick you. One has to be more careful and smart especially undergraduates, However, female students these days are getting wiser and more exposed.

Photo Credit: Google