There are times you asked yourself why are things not going the way you expect? Why is your own case different? Why do people find it difficult to understand you? So many questions arise in the uppermost part of your mind, seeking immediate answers, but you will be surprised to find out that you already have the answers to your questions and just maybe you can’t come to terms of knowing that the still voice within you is right.
In our quest to have the perfect job, relationship and even family we tend to make the mistake of trying to impress people, not minding the inconveniences on our own part. However, when you perceived that you can only act within your means, reach out to people when is needed and don’t give them the impression you are a savior because you aren’t one, then you start living your life.
You tend to feel bad or feel angry when feelings aren’t reciprocated the way is meant to be, your sibling or folks or even your partner tends not to understand what you are going through. A friend was at the stage of ‘tired.com’, when all she does never seems right before her mum, her mum still find it hard to understand her and at first she felt her mum just couldn’t do without her because her dad died in his prime and her mum has always seen her as the replica of her dad, and as such always want her around her. It took her willpower and inner strength to remove herself from that hold her mum has on her. How she did it was simple; She knew she will go mad if she doesn’t try to get accommodation far from home. Thus, despite the fact they were both staying in Rivers State, she got her mum and her siblings a rented apartment in Choba, while she rented a self-contain apartment for herself in Rumuigbo because she could afford it and knows that if she doesn’t act fast, her mum will control her to the very end. Getting herself out of her mum’s hold was the smartest decision she ever made this year according to her.
One of my former colleagues was sharing with me, how greatly worried she was because her mum kept pressuring her to get pregnant despite the fact that she has two kids, a boy and a girl. Her last pregnancy wasn’t a wonderful experience and her labour was so lengthen and painful that she thought she was going to die. However, her mum doesn’t want to hear all those and was insisting she take in when she is actually dreading getting pregnant again just because of her last experience. At this modern age?
I really felt for her but wasn’t in any position to tell her what to do other than to encourage her to open up to her husband who isn’t perturbed about having more kids. She later did and her hubby understood her fears and told her he is okay with the kids they have for now and if God wants them to have more, God will give her the grace to go through the pregnancy stages and up to the delivery. After that, the hubby had a long talk with his mother in law and humbly told her not to pressure his wife about having more kids because they are contented with what God has given them for now. The mum was shocked, but she understood that she can’t continue manipulating the daughter because she is now married and old enough to take trivial decisions and is left for her to support her daughter or ignore.
Two months ago, I was chilling with a dear senior friend, a friend I cherish so much, I always see her as a confident and strong lady but never knew she was carrying a weight that has become so heavy for her to bear. I always thought she had it all but chatting with her that day in an eatery made me see someone who is emotionally drained and needing an upliftment. I was so angry with myself for not noticing the eye bags, the tired face and the tired eyes. She has lost the spark in the wonderful marriage I thought she had, it has gotten so bad because she just found out that her hubby was cheating on her.
I was short of words because I could brag that her hubby was faithful. She actually expected me to slam her hubby and advise her to take serious legal actions before is too late, however, I made her understand that cheating doesn’t just start especially for one who has always been a role model. That was when she opened up to me that she had been so involved in her charity organization and has left her hubby in the lurch and most times, the hubby would want to make love to her but she always complain of being tired and this has been going on for a long time and they usually have heated argument about it, she feels her hubby should understand her need in reaching out to the less privilege and should commend her for her wonderful job and not nag her about sex.
I applauded her for her job well done in reaching out to the less privilege but reminded her that her first job is to her hubby and her kids. I admonished her not to be deceived that it is required of us to put our family first in anything we do, it is her right to make love to her hubby, however she could have tried to explain to the hubby about what is going on and how she feels other than just assuming her hubby doesn’t understand how tired she is. Last week she called me from the UK, that my advice really worked wonders and that she has gotten her marriage back, that her hubby understood her fears and he never cheated on her but gave the impression that he was in order for her to retrace her step and that right now they are having a swell time vacationing in the UK.
That is the power of an open communication, you will definitely feel tired.com if you don’t take the bold steps on standing on your ground what you want like in the case of my friend and my former colleagues or even feeling exhausted because you just assumed people should understand you when you haven’t taken the time to open up to them how you feel in order for them to understand you better.
This life is too short for one to always do what others want and not what they want and also assuming something is black when it is so glaring that it is white.
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