Yes that is true, for every lady has a story whether good or bad, thus, we shouldn’t rush to condemn someone or conclude on someone’s case. I had to gather enough case studies to create this write up and am very sure there are people who can relate to it.
Tammy, a friend’s colleague was one lady that talks too much, in fact, the day I met her, I got tired of talking because she kept talking non stop. I even had to ask my friend how they cope with her in the office, she just laughed and say that’s Tammy for you. Taking it as her personality, I knew she ain’t the kinda person I can have as friend because of that trait. Though she is very efficient in her job, next in line to be a manager but one major flaw kept dragging her behind and she didn’t know. Her MD was kind enough to point it to her that the reasons she won’t be given the managerial position was because she talks too much and in so doing, it has been observed that she leaks company’s confidential reports. It was funny but was advised to see a specialist and from the visit, it was discovered that she has a low self esteem and feels bragging about the opportunities garnered in her company and boasting about her position makes her feel desired and people wanting to interact with her. I learned she was told to work on herself, and forget about how poor her background was but should be proud of herself and what she has achieved and should let people to the appraisal of her achievement rather than bragging about it.
Meriah, my neighbor was someone I felt was so lazy and couldn’t just imagine why she would have a live-in house help when she had just one kid and she is even a housewife. My point of view was that why is she behaving like she is the first person to be pregnant? After all I am a mother with two kids. It hurt me so much, but I couldn’t voice it out in the open, but I didn’t even noticed that I wasn’t the only one thinking our neighbor was lazy, even the security man thought so also. A very wonderful day got both of us talking and she opened up to me how she has always have difficulties carrying a baby to full term, the pains and anguish as a result of each miscarriage she had. Under 5 years of marriage, she miscarried thrice and, in fact, resigned her fate till a lady introduce her to her now gynaecologist who advised that whenever she takes in, her cervix will need to be closed and after which she has to be on total bed rest because her womb is extremely fragile. That method was successful and resulted to her first baby and had to do same method for the second baby.
Gosh I was shocked and ashamed at the same time because here I was condemning someone without knowing the reasons behind her actions. I learned a very big lesson that very day, never to conclude so fast.
Aisha, a friend after my own heart is one strong lady that I admire so much. She is very hardworking and a successful entrepreneur but she find it difficult interacting with guys, at first, we are friends thought maybe it was due to her religion because she was from a staunch Muslim home and her dad is an ‘Imam’. However we didn’t know she had been abused by her teacher during her secondary school. She was a boarder and her maths teacher raped her repeatedly, but she was so scared and ashamed to report the case and had to keep it to herself. That pain was etched on her for a long time and she felt no one not even her mother is worthy of knowing her struggles. Her family praise her as the good girl that you can’t see messing around with men and her mum thought she was still a virgin at 27 not knowing that she isn’t. When she clocked 35, her folks were now getting worried as she wasn’t bringing any suitor home rather concentrating on expanding her jewelry business. Side remarks was made that she is a lesbian and even a runs girl just pretending to be good. It got so bad that she now felt she needed to talk to someone and she chose me. After opening her heart to me, I saw a different Aisha that day. I saw a lady that is scared and also angry at the men folk just because of what one man did. I don’t see myself as a counselor or a specialist, but I had to calmly tell her I understood why is acting that way but first she has to let go of the past and to do that, she needed to forgive her teacher. I couldn’t say more rather than to thrust some of my wonderful motivational books to her and invite her to my church which I felt she won’t attend but to my surprise she did, and after service I introduced her to my pastor’s wife and they booked an appointment. 3 months later, I saw a different woman. A smiling confident and strong woman that was ready to mingle and the first thing she did was to employ a male staff because it was so bad before as she has never employed a male staff. To her that was a step and many more steps were taken and God blessed her with a man that was ready to walk her through her fears and marry her despite her past. She celebrated her new path as a christian by changing her name to Esther.
Soty is one lady that you can never hear she is in a relationship and whenever she is in one, she is out before you can even ask her how far. It got so tiring and we felt she was making the relationship unbearable for the guys and it doesn’t bother her. We tried countless times trying to hook her up with trustworthy male colleagues, friends and even relatives but it usually doesn’t get serious. Having experience of not judging people quickly made me arrange for a one on one weekend with her. We decided to lodge in a hotel and after the relaxation, hanging out and the nice night outing, I decided the following day been Saturday will be a good day to thrash it out. At first she was angry I cornered her that way, lured her like she said but she knew she couldn’t escape from opening up to me. I assured her no issues if she isn’t comfortable and even left her alone. Later in the evening she opened up to me that she is from a very humble background with moral values and that when she was in school, she was in a relationship that saw her pregnant and she had to abort the baby. Her boyfriend then wasn’t patient enough to help her heal and was still trying to demand sex, she couldn’t take it anymore and hard to break up with him. The ordeal has made her so rigid that she feels all men are after sex which she isn’t ready for and they are not ready to support her policy of no sex till marriage because she doesn’t want to be in that point anymore as the whole incidence seems to be still fresh in her mind.
A female colleague never sees any good in any man despite the fact that she is married. She feels men are liars and cheat. It got to a point that almost all staff in my office knows about her hatred for men. You will see her trying to advise single female colleagues not to trust their partner because when he finally marries them, he will definitely change. We the other ladies in the office knew about this but we decided not to say anything about it but to advise the singles on been careful in knowing who they share their private affairs to. However the male colleagues couldn’t stand the discrimination against their gender and had to speak to her, which resulted in a clear vision and reasoning of why she was acting that way. It was discovered that her father physically abused her mum and having that mindset that is a normal thing led her to marrying a man that doesn’t hide the fact that he cheats on her regularly and emotionally abuses her daily.
Well, no one knows the tears or the pains of ladies behind their wonderfully made up face, looking elegant and smiling like all is well with them when all isn’t. It took me awhile to understand that some people act the way they do due to circumstances beyond their control, but I do believe that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. However bottling up issues and emotions doesn’t help because no one is God for them to understand what you are going through, that is why we need to have a good communication among those we call friends in order for them to understand us better, after all it is said that a close mouth is a close destiny, so we should learn the habit of opening up instead of dying in silence, although one has to be careful and be extremely choosy when thinking of confiding in someone.
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