Emotional Abuse….


Most times when we hear this we just picture a couple where the wife is the victim and sometimes the hubby could be the victim. However we can experience emotional abuse from anyone, your family, siblings, even in the work place and among our peers. Often children born in a home where abuse is a normal thing find life a bit difficult and really takes courage and determination not to be affected by it.

Some people feel physical abuse is the worst as it has to do with punching and injuring the victims but have you actually tried to understand the consequences of emotional abuse? Emotional abuse can get someone having a suicidal thought, creating inferiority complexes in their victims. It could also result in teenagers moving with the wrong set of people. Am not saying physical abuse is better but am saying the gravity is somehow same.

Lisa is from a family of 5, 3 guys and 2 ladies and she is the last child and also the second daughter, her mum emotionally abuse her right from adolescent. Her mum never sees the good in her, always comparing her to her elder sister. Nothing she does is ever right and her mum doesn’t hide the fact that she prefers her sister to her. During her childhood days, she has always wondered if she was adopted because it was so obvious that her mum doesn’t like her. The Ill treatment saw her trying to always please her mum, scared of confiding in her sister, and thus resulted in she not been close to her sister. There were times she wished her sister dead so her mum could now focus her love on her. Entering the university was like a relief for her because it meant been free from the daily abuse from her mother. Her dad has tried talking to the mum about how she treats her but all to no avail, her mum excuse will always be she is too lazy and she is trying to make her a better woman for her future hubby. Lazy? When she has practically been turned into the house help in her own home.

It went on for awhile, till she developed a thick skin and couldn’t care less how she is been treated. She made up her mind from the first day she started school in Unilag, that she will surprise her mum, and be the best in all she does. Right now she doesn’t have a good relationship with her mother and her mother is now trying to win her over but to her is too late.

Eniola grew up with her dad and step mum and her step mum made life miserable for her and the fact that her dad isn’t always around made matters worse because her dad does try to shield her from the claws of her step mum. It got to a point her step mum wanted her dad to send her away just because she forgot to transfer leftover food to the freezer. Her mum is dead, so she didn’t have a mother figure to look up to and her step mum obviously can’t claim that either. After her childbirth, she didn’t send for her step mum, rather someone from her church, her step mum was shocked before she was expecting the invitation and would have been an opportunity to visit the UK as that is where she is base but no, Eniola chose a lady that made sure all was well with her when she was still under the custody of her dad and step mum.

Fejiro, never in her wildest dream felt she will be at the mercy of her elder sister. Her sister treated her with disdain right from when she started living with her in Abuja as a result of her job. At first, she couldn’t understand the ill-treatment and the abusive words or the fact that her sister feels she won’t make a good wife. She tried picturing where she had gone wrong and careful observation made her realise her sister is jealous of her achievements, but the question she kept asking herself was why? Even after she has tirelessly tried to please her, cancel some outings with friends just because she has to take care of her sister’s kids. It was so bad that she actually thought she won’t make a good wife and this was etched on her subconscious until she opened up to a friend who advised her to desist from thinking such. She was made to understand that to have a successful marriage and a wonderful home, she has to be positive and always think positive rather than dwelling on negative thoughts that could harm her confidence as a woman.

Belema, was constantly abused by her hubby to the point she kept asking herself how she missed this negative side of her hubby during their courtship. She is never happy when friends gather to talk about family, career and the likes. She always finds one reason or the other to shy away from any outing organised by her friends. At first we, her friends thought she is usually busy been a project manager with one of the telecommunication company, but no she was just not happy and she was extremely careful on who she opens up to. On a particular day when she couldn’t take it anymore, she dropped the bombshell that she has been a victim of emotional abuse for a long time but she had been covering it up in order not to attract unnecessary attention, she has prayed and fasted yet no results and that it is actually choking her. How can a man she made vows to in front of God and the church call her a whore? That she has always been sleeping her way to the top in her office that is why she keeps getting promoted while he is still stagnant in his particular position in his own office. That her Hubby’s insults and abusive words are more than physical abuse and often times she had thought of divorcing him but she has her kids to consider like her mum advised.

Nonye, is someone that most ladies look up to in church, chorister with a wonderful voice and her hubby a Sunday school teacher. First glance at them, one will picture a lovely Christian family that will have a beautiful home with Nonye’s melodious voice giving a joyous sound and wonderful kids with a good upbringing, however, it is usually said never judge a book by its cover. Nonye had been a victim of constant emotional abuse just because all 4 of her kids are females and the hubby wants a male child. Started gradually when she had her second baby and thought he would get over it but no. He pushed for another baby but ended up having twin girls, making it 4 daughters which he wasn’t okay with. They couldn’t keep trying because it may result to complications which are life threatening as warned by their doctor. So all she does is to cover up the nonchalant attitude of her hubby towards her and the kids, praying for God’s divine intervention.

No one prays to be abuse whether physically or emotionally, in fact, you wouldn’t even wish to experience it for 5mins. Well if anyone is somehow in the midst of this ugly scenarios, you have to constantly remind yourself that God didn’t make a mistake creating you or bringing you to this world.

You are worthwhile for his kingdom so try and rediscover yourself and your purpose in life and God in his infinite mercies will instill in you the confidence and grace needed for you to scale through and be victorious.


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