Another cool night that sees me hot but not with perspiration, rather sexual pleasure. His kisses were magnificent and I do look forward to that. Caresses me with patience all to make me feel wonderfully satisfied but always leave me wanting more. I usually look forward to sleeping because that is when I do enjoy my romantic times with Gabriel, my dream lover who always comes to me immediately my eyes are shut, I see myself floating and just been around him, wanting him to put his arms around me and comfort me after a stressful day.
This has been going on and off to the point that going out on a date with anyone feels like am cheating on my dream lover and for 2years it was the same and I was already getting agitated because I can’t seem to have someone to place a call to when I am down during the day and also can’t keep putting guys at bay all for my imaginary lover. Friends and associates were getting worried and wondering why I haven’t been on a date for a long while.
Calling my mum in Nigeria, I decided to open up to her as she is kind of my best friend and when I did, she screamed at shouted “Ewuu…my daughter has a spirit husband…seriously? What does she mean by that? I was still wondering when she asked me if I married my dream lover in my dream and I said no but can’t remember if I did.
Told mum, not to get worried as I intend breaking up with him and mum asked me how do I intend doing that? Replied her that I will just tell him when next we meet which will be at night that I will tell him calmly so he doesn’t feel dejected. My mum told me am outta my mind and that the 15 years have been in the states has made me forget myself and that I should take the next available flight to Naija because the kinda break up I need has to be done spiritually.
Didn’t know when I started laughing and that created the impression that I was taking things lightly but assured my mum that I intend breaking up with Gabriel because when I need him to do some physical stuff for me he ain’t available. We eventually made a deal that if I can’t do it my way, we will do it her way.
That night, I got ready for bed. Usually, before going to bed, I do try to smell nice and that draws Gabriel to me quickly as possible so on this particular night, I didn’t, wanting him to come on his own if he is interested in me. He didn’t and when I thought he wouldn’t, I felt his presence in the dream with his usual kisses but this time, I didn’t feel aroused or excited but was disgusted because it became glaring to me that this is just a fantasy. He noticed I wasn’t my usual self and asked what was wrong and I replied that I am no longer interested in this relationship. A relationship where I can’t show him off to my friends, where I can’t call him on the phone, he can’t be around to help me with some physical chores, I need a man that will be there for me at all times and, of course, pay the bills but all these while, for 2years it has just been I and him and no one else, hasn’t ever supported me financially not even buying me my favorite ice cream as he doesn’t know.
After pouring my pent up anger at him, he calmly told me I was the one that invited him when I had just left a broken relationship and he knew a time will come when I will feel restless and he has been patient with me to be strong, build my confidence again to face the real world again and even advised me to know my self-worth when dealing with men.
I was shocked and more shocked when he said I alone has the power to send him away and I have done that and though he is sad but he has to go and that all along he was just a figment of my imagination of how I want a perfect boyfriend to be but now I can see that though he is perfect for me physically but he isn’t perfect in other areas as I have come to realise.
After saying all those, he just gradually left my presence and I saw myself waking up due to the ringing of my alarm clock. Waking up, I felt relieved and fully confident to brace myself for another relationship. My mum called me later in the day to know how it went and I told her it was over as we have ended the relationship and the next thing she said was that wasn’t enough and I need to come for deliverance. Like seriously? Put all things on hold and just board a flight to come home just for deliverance?
I sure didn’t go, weeks turned into months and I didn’t see or feel my dream lover, and I was eager to mingle once again and after taking my time to understand Samuel who has been on my case for 6 months even before I broke up with Gabriel, decided to give him a chance and so far I can say have missed a lot of just having someone to cuddle me anytime of the day, call me to talk long hours on the phone, help me in some minimal house chores like fixing my light bulb, walking my dog if am not around.
But I really appreciate Gabriel for the time we spent together and I wish him the best wherever he is.