Ese’s Chronicles…Episode 2

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Ese’s Chronicles continues and if you miss the first episode, Kindly read HERE

Ese, have you finished washing the dishes and cleaning your room? Yes ma, I don finish tey tey, na make I rest smal I be wan do, befor you cal my name so, replied Ese.

Okay that’s good, I want you to take a bike and go to the market and buy some items needed to prepare dinner, because your uncle requested that we prepare Banga soup and starch for him.

Ahh correct uncle..hailed Ese, trut to God, I don miss Banga soup (Native dish prepared with palm fruit extract common with the Niger Deltans) wel wel o and com dey wonda weda you no sabi cuk am, make I teach you because e dey sweet wel wel o. Okay I have heard you madam cook, quickly dress and be on your way interjected Madam Rose.

Shuo na wa for you o, dis okada man, yu learn how to ride okada at al, abi na for road yu learn am? Wt do u mean by that, just pay me my fare that’s all replied the motorcyclist. Hmm oyibo, u tink I don’t sabi how to spark engrish or what your own? Am coret u so you dont killing me and you are here sparking engrish?

Jesus, exclaimed the motorcyclist, please tell your madam to send you to school so you will learn queen’s English before you kill someone with your stupid English, advised the motorcyclist. Ok o I had u, you don dey call me killer abi? U c gun for my hand and abi yu see knife? Wetin dey work yu abi catah dey your brain? Abeg take your money…stupid man.

Yakubu..yakubuuuuu…abeg open the gate jor befor person provoke me? Kai why dey hit my gate like that? Wahali I go sack you kwo?make yu no dey disturb am for my sleep. Keep quiet now yur mate dey sleep? Lazy aboki wen na only sleep yu sabi, I go come bring fud for yu like say na me born yu. No make me vex pas like dis o, if not na rat poison I go give u chop dis nite..stupid man, mshwee.

Aunty Rose, abeg yu dey busy, e get talk wen I wan yarn wit yu. Hmm what is it this time, Eseoghene? Nothing o, I no say yu dey try for me, yu buy me clothes and gimme food 3times eventhough e dey small sometimes but e beta pass Ekaete wen ha aunty dey give am food only 2times a day and e dey small always with yeye clothes wen dem give am…Ese, what do you want this time and go straight to the point instead of beating around the bush cut in madam Rose.

Ahh Aunty no vex o, I no go like cut grass o, becos I no sabi use cutlass, anyway sha the useless okada man wen carry me in the afternoon, curse me o, say I wan kill engrish and I no even hold gun not to talk of knife? Say make I tel my madam make she send me go school so that I go learn queen’s engrish jus becos I spark engrish giv am wen e spoke to me. So abeg, yu fit carry me go meet the Queen so dt I can learn ha engrish but I for like learn ha husband own o, wen be king engrish, so that i go dey nack coret big big engrish said ese smiling sheepishly.

Okay I have heard you and will get a lesson teacher for you, you don’t need to meet any queen or king replied Madam Rose.

Ahh correct aunty!!!! Yu too much….


To be continued….


Photo Credit: Google


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